This post is from a courageous young woman in recovery…
When I was diagnosed with
depression, anxiety and eating disorders at 15 years old, I had no idea that
they would impact every aspect of my life, that they would always be a part of
who I am and that they would dramatically change the path my life would take.
When I graduated from high school
and went off to college, I had no idea that my eating disorder would ever be an
issue that could take me away from school.
When I was admitted to the hospital
for the first time after my college required me to seek treatment, I had no
idea that I really had a problem and that I was dying from it.
When I finished my first cycle of
treatment, graduated from college and landed my first real job, I had no idea
that simply maintaining a healthy weight did not mean that I had worked through
all my issues.
When I realized I had fully
relapsed and had to decide for myself to seek treatment again, I had no idea
that it would be far more difficult the second time around.
When I returned to my job from my
first medical leave, I had no idea how many appointments and therapy sessions I
would need just to keep me going to work each day.
When I was let go from my job after
another medical leave, I had no idea that my eating disorder would prevent me
from working full-time for many years.
When I found a part-time job and
immediately had to return to an eating disorder program, I had no idea that the
rest of my time at that job would continue to be interrupted by appointments,
programs and hospitalizations.
When I just could not cope with a
major life transition and my therapists could not stop me from hurting myself,
I had no idea that it would take four months of hospitalization before I could
feel safe again.
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When I thought my life was over
because my therapist, nutritionist and psychiatrist all terminated with me and
I lost my job, I had no idea that I would eventually be able to work with my
ideal treatment team, who would help me find my way back to the path of
recovery.
When I learned that I needed to be
able to fight my battles outside of the hospitals in order to truly recover, I
had no idea that I had the strength to do it.
When I was told over and over that
a particular treatment was not an option for me, I had no idea that I had the
ability to advocate for myself and find a doctor who believed that I could get
better.
When I returned to dance after a
hiatus, I had no idea that I could make healthy choices and that they would
actually make me a better dancer.
When I was given the opportunity to
help out my best friend and her family, I had no idea that I had the courage to
move across the country for three months without jeopardizing my treatment or
recovery.
When I spent years turned inward
and isolated, I had no idea that I could be social, repair old relationships
and make new friends.
When I learned about the peer
movement and that there are jobs for people who use their lived experiences
with mental illness to help others, I had no idea that I would ultimately end
up making it my life plan to go into that field.
When I applied for a specific
training three years in a row but was never accepted, I had no idea that I
would find a way to educate myself and start volunteering without having to go
through the training.
When I spoke at a National Eating
Disorders Awareness Week event in February 2013, I had no idea that I would spend
the next year sharing my recovery story, facilitating peer support groups and
advocating for myself and others.
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When I was diagnosed with
depression, anxiety and eating disorders at 15 years old, I had no idea that
they would impact every aspect of my life, that they would always be a part of
who I am and that they would dramatically change the path my life would take.
And I had no idea that I would be
able to find my brave to overcome these struggles to create a life worth
living.
- Jamie Loud
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